she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
