the day after is always just damage control
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
