note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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