When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
