So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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