So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
