SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
