she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
