rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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