you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
