I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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