I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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