as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize