so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
