I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize