my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize