So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
