I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
