she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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