I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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