I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
