i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
