like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
