Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Vodka?
Forever.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize