Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
