Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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