you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Be still, my beating vagina.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
