Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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