That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
