i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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