how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
