Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
