Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
bring money and cleavage
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize