I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
