i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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