Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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