she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
