Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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