and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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