Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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