Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
