She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
