On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
