There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
