worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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