You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize