were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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