I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
