margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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