i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
