im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
