I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
