Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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