he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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