I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
