So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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