i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize