wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
