You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
