I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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