She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
