I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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