I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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