he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize