I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
