He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
