Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have post one night stand depression
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