I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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