You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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