cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
