I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
