She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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