I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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