saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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