Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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