I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize