I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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