Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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