Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
