Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
