saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
