pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i love accidental penises.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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