everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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