I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm both gender and math confused
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