sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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