Moan for me like Helen Keller
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
