I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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