loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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