dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
