my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
