i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
