I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
